“Why are we getting back together?”
We all been there. Break up with someone only to find ourselves getting back together with him/her in the next couple of days or weeks or months. There is a science behind it. Psychologist been developing and creating theories and statements on how the majority of couples that breaking up will eventually get back together again. I’m not a psychologist so I don’t really know how, but I’m curious, very curious about this. If you are the same with me, someone that is confused why it keeps happening to you, someone that wanted to stop the circle but to some extent just never did or does or whatsoever. Let’s stay here and break it down together the philosophy behind getting back together with an ex.
They just never leave
No matter what you do, they just never leave. They never truly leaving your life because they are still around you, even though they are not around you. If it makes sense? Whether you are still in contact with them or not, the thought of you and this person being together still exist in your brain. Maybe you know that you’re not going to be with this person and you are moving on with your life, but it doesn’t mean this person is not going to come to your mind, even only 5 secs. That’s the problem, they just never leave. Even worst is, when the person is truly still there and don’t want to leave you alone. Let’s be honest you guys, we all been there, we all been in the situation when after the break-up, both of you just can’t suddenly cut contact with each other. Meaning that this person, is still in your life. Just not as your significant other anymore, they’re just your friends or whatever you want to call it. I don’t really understand when after the break-up someone will say ‘I still want us to be friends’. Like really? I mean don’t get me wrong, I would like to be friends with my ex, but not right after the break-up. I need to move on, and being friends with them, it’s not helping me to move on. That’s it, like I said earlier, they just never leave. And even though they actually leave you alone, they just never truly gone from your life. They’re ghosting you, hijacking your brain, your mind, your thoughts. Some people are good at handling this, but no matter how good they are, their ex will still have power to hijack their brain, even only a few seconds.
We are emotionally attach to the person
We are emotionally attach to our ex. It is just what it is. I’m not a scientist so I couldn’t break it down how it all works in our brain, but one thing for sure is, those chemicals have caused us to emotionally attach to this person. There is no replacement in a short time, you could try to find someone else, which something I always do after a break-up, but I knew that it will never gonna work, because I’m still emotionally attach to my ex. I have been there guys, not once, not twice, more than that. I have learnt that the more people I see or date after the break-up I had, the stronger my emotions towards my ex would be. The kind of emotions that bring back all the … I don’t know what, I wanted to say feelings, but not necessarily feelings, it’s more like a mixture between the old memories, feelings, emotions, connections – all together as one recipe: disaster. I would say its a disaster, because it is. I hate being emotional, I would try everything I could to not let my emotions take over my brain. Sometimes, it doesn’t work. Well I’m a human being after all, I have emotions, but the point is – it is a disaster because we know for a fact, this emotions is not going to bring us anywhere closer to where we supposed to be. But there you go, boom, we still follow our emotions in the end. That’s why we keep getting back together with our ex. Doesn’t matter if the sun and the moon finally meet with each other, we just don’t care what is right or wrong, because we have this strong desire to fulfill our emotions, and what they need is: our ex.
We miss the connection
Having a deep connection with someone is just beautiful. It’s something that we crave in our unconscious mind. When we entered a relationship, this is the key why we wanted to be in the relationship with the person: deep connection. Yes yes, there are other things like attraction and having things in common, but even though we have it all, without connection, there won’t be a relationship. Connection is important because it is what differ sex as a one night stand and sex as a partner. We need to sexually connected to this person in order for us to want to be in the relationship with this person. Long story short, we are connected to our ex. When the relationship ended, we crave the connection back. We think we miss the person, but actually we miss the connection we had with the person. We want our ex back but what we actually want is to have the connection back – that we thought when we get our ex back, we will get the connection back. The answer is: maybe. Some people do find the connection back when they get back together with their ex, but some don’t. Sometimes the connection just is not there anymore or sometimes we need to build back the connection, because it takes time to get the connection back, even after you get back together with your ex. The point is, whatsoever we think we are feeling or wanting right now it’s not what it is. The connection is all we wanted, and we know for a fact that it is not easy to find someone that we are connected with. Which is why we keep getting back together with our ex, because if we were connected to them once, we think we still can be connected with them again. Whether the answer is yes or no, it depends on the circumstances, but the fact is, the connection is what we’re looking for, unconsciously.
“The past is a nice place to visit, but certainly not a good place to say.”