It is difficult isn’t it, to not knowing what’s gonna happen, and the uncertainty of the future. Overthinking everything, every possible outcome. The anxiety, the feeling of being anxious over and over again for something that we just don’t know what it is. The future often is scary because the idea of not knowing what’s gonna happen is frightening. I used to be someone who always know what I want, I could exactly said what I was gonna be with confident, I used to always know how exactly my life was gonna be like, until this past one year. I started to doubt what kind of future I want, I started to question the purpose of my life, started to think whether my dream is the right thing for me or not. I ended up putting too much pressure on myself, because this uncertainty suddenly consume me so much to the point that I can’t even think about anything else. To be someone that used to always know what I want, and to suddenly not knowing what I want, I was shocked, confused, wasn’t prepared I guess, I just didn’t get used to feeling like that. Long story short, I’ve been feeling better lately and started to realise the core of the problem. It goes deeper than I thought, something I’m not gonna share it now. But all of that has brought a realisation to me. Within that, I decided to write a blog on how to stop worrying about the future, because I guess I’m not the only what that feels anxious about the future.
What is it are you worrying about?
What is it are you worrying about? Well you worry about the future, but what exactly that trigger your anxiety of the future? Is it your career, where are you going to live, who are you going to be with, is it family, friends, relationships, or is it about your life purpose – try to think which of this that trigger you the most. Once you see which one you worry about the most, try to ask yourself, why are you worrying about this stuff when it hasn’t happened yet. Is it because you scared of the outcome or is it because of the past. Try to understand why you’re feeling anxious about it. Finding the roots of the problem is crucial.
The future is unwritten yet
I think it is important to remember that the future hasn’t happened yet. We often try to worry about things that hasn’t happened because we worried that it might not turn out the way we want it to. But I guess we will never know if we don’t try, so what is the point of worrying what’s gonna happen, when the only way to get the answer is to just do it, to just live it, live our lives, day by day. When the time is right, you will get the answer of what are you going to be or what’s your future going to be like. But you can’t get all the answer at once, and you can’t figure all things out at once, because it doesn’t work like that. Life is a mystery, it has always been and it will always be. Let the future be the mystery, because if it’s not a mystery, we would get bored and think that life is not interesting anymore. That uncertainty is what keep us alive sometimes, even we don’t realise that.
Even if it goes wrong, you always have the ability to change direction
One thing that came to my mind every time I feel anxious about the future is that, in the end of the day, we always can change our direction if it goes wrong. I honestly did not recognise it, until my therapist said that to me, and when she said it I was like ‘ wait a minute, she’s right’. I keep worrying how if I make the wrong decision, or how if I don’t like doing that, how if this is not what I meant to be, but I didn’t see that even if it doesn’t work out, I always can quit and start over with something else that works better for me – and also it’s okay to make a mistake, I guess I’m a perfectionist (story for another time) that makes me worry too much about the future because I don’t want to make a mistake. But I guess mistake is a part of life, and it’s okay to make mistakes once in a while – and even if I make a mistake of my future, I can always change the direction and start over, again, with something that feels more right to me.
Worrying is not giving you anything
Sometimes we worry to much that we forgot that worrying isn’t giving us anything. When we worry, it triggers our anxiety (especially if you suffer with anxiety), and when we have that anxiety, it’s just not nice, it’s really annoying and the constant feeling of anxious just don’t feel right. If in the end of the day, that worrying only gives us the pain of anxiety, then why are we worrying? It’s like self sabotaging ourselves for things that we don’t even know what it is, for things that hasn’t happened yet, for things that are not worth the pain of anxiety. I guess it’s important to remind ourselves that worrying about the future is not giving us anything.
Last but not least is to surrender. As I said before, I always knew what I wanted, so when I started to feel confused, I put too much pressure to myself, to have to know what I want. I ended up forcing things to happen, forced myself to know what I need to do, when the truth is I was totally confused, unsure and didn’t know what to do. Until I read a book called ‘Light is a New Black’ by Rebecca Campbell. I love the book, she’s such an amazing author. There was one section about surrendering that makes me realise that I tried too hard, I forced things to happen the way I want it to be, and when it doesn’t go that way, I started to feel anxious and uncertainty about what I want, about the future. I guess it is important (again) to remind ourselves that trying too hard is not gonna solve the problem. Once in a while, we need to surrender, and let the universe, god, the source. the time, or anything you believe in, to work things out for you. We try our best but we don’t have to try too hard to know all the answers, because it will come to you in the right time, when you’re ready. With surrender, it will give you a peace of mind, instead of worrying about things that hasn’t happened yet.
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength”
– Corrie ten Boom –